Burned by Hollywood

While I was sitting there, people watching, I watched a black clad, beanie wearing dude with thick black rimmed glasses walk past. I smiled at him because he looked familiar; I thought maybe I had met him before.

Then it dawned on me. Turns out I hadn’t met him but I certainly knew him.

You might know him too.

JOSH FREAKIN’ HARTNETT!

As in the Pearl Harbour, ex-Scarlett Johansson dating, Hollywood heart throb, superstar.

Uh-huh, there he was standing right in front of me holding a drink and chatting to some people who also looked familiar at THE SOUTHBANK SURF CLUB...the surf club with no surf.

My week was starting to resemble the American flag, the amount of stars splattered all over it was blowing my mind.

When Gerard finally returned with my water I excitedly jabbed him and whispered ‘OH EM GEE.... look who is standing right in front of us!’’.

Hubby replied with… ‘Him? I was standing next to him at the Powderfinger concert, is he meant to be famous?’’

An audible eye roll followed that statement.

‘HE’S JOSH FREAKIN’ HARTNETT!’ I said, then explained who he was. I could have sprouted off a heap of movies as a reference like he’s in Black Hawk Down or 40 Days and 40 nights or I could have just spoken his launguage.

‘He used to date Scarlett Johansson’’

Click.

That was the sound of G’s mind popping into gear, you see Scarlett Johansson is on both our lists of stars we want to have sex with. But with Josh Hartnett standing right in front of us that immediately eliminated her off the ‘to do’ list, too close you see.

Now Sofia Vergara from Modern Family moves to the top of our list.

Oh...did I mention I’m a closet Chapstick Lesbian?

Right, back to Josh. I have to admit, at that moment I looked at Gerard and looked at Josh and the thought did go through my mind, should I sneak HIM onto my top 5? But then I realised that would be unfair to the 5 celebrities on the list that I really want to sleep with; I can’t be cheating on them now can I?

You’ve got to be rational about these things you know.

But I did want to at least speak to him. And Gerard wanted to high five him....for the Scarlett Johansson thing.

Ignoring the pinching pain of my heels, I got up and walked over to him, suddenly I got nervous and I felt like I was about to wet my pants, always bloody happens when I get nervous, then my mind went blank and I didn’t know what to say, so I just said this: “Hi you’re Josh Hartnett, what are you doing at the Southbank Surf Club, you know there’s no Surf here?”

S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R opening line.

NOT.

Oh you guys, I don’t think I have ever been more mortified. It beat the time I wore a low cut dress to a fancy dinner and realised that whenever I leaned forward to speak to someone I totally flashed all of my boobs. I HAD BEEN LEANING OVER ALL NIGHT...and no-body told me.

MORTIFIED. Maybe I thought it would sound witty and funny, but the look he gave me made me feel so stupid, so dumb, DUMBITY DUMB DUMB.

After exactly 2 minutes of awkward small talk where I painfully extracted from him that he was shooting an Indian film on the Gold Coast and was a lover of live music and came to see Powderfinger, he literally pointed and said…

“Oh look who is over there’’

And as I turned to look, he snuck away, by the time I turned back to speak to him he had done the Houdini.

HE JUST LEFT ME STANDING THERE ALL ALONE...in high heels that hurt. I could have died.

Husband however chose a different tack to approach the star that night.

One of Josh’s entourage was a semi well known NZ/Australian actress, Gerard walked up to Josh’s entourage, ignoring him and focused only on the hot actress, knowing full well who she was and said, ‘I’m sorry, I think I know you from somewhere, have we hooked up?’’

And Josh laughed.


Read the full story here: http://blogs.news.com.au/couriermail/emily/index.php/couriermail/co